Innocence
by rowanrawr
Summary: The feeling of being utterly pathetic was overwhelming. Arra/Larten.


This was certainly not the answer that he was expecting.

And from the expression on her face, and the way she turned her head away with her eyes squeezed shut, it was certainly not the one she had wanted to give, either.

With a sigh of finality, Arra pushed herself away from him, pulling her shirt tight about her and waiting for the laughter: She hoped it would be pitying instead mocking, though neither especially appealed to her. She wanted to turn back and explain, but she couldn't, simply afraid of the disdainful smile that would no doubt be plastered across his face. Tears were forming at the corners of her eyes, caused by the shame and embarrassment that was rapidly spreading through her whole being, and she was thankful that she managed to hold them back.

Behind her, Larten propped himself up on an elbow, and reached out his other hand to brush her shoulder. He felt horrible for causing such a reaction in her. Though, if he was being honest, he wasn't entirely sure what _exactly_ he had done to upset her so. And for this reason, he couldn't seem to find the words to ask what was wrong.

In his mind everything had been perfect. Larten had indulged her wish to spend just one evening as a human couple would, going out for dinner and walking hand-in-hand through the snowy streets. He'd even picked a pretty flower out of a garden they had passed and handed it to her with a kiss.

And Arra had seemed completely fine, even _happy_, throughout the evening. Larten supposed she had become more reserved and withdrawn when they had returned to their room, falling back quietly to allow him to lead them through the motions of what she feared, but he desired. With scarce privacy at the mountain, they had decided to wait until they were sure they were truly alone before taking the next step in their relationship. For all his eagerness to bridge that final gap between them, Larten had made a silent promise to put her first when the time came.

'_Where would you like me to start?'_

He must have asked that question more times than he could remember (much to his regret) and it never failed to make a good impression - and get a good response. It was what women wanted to hear, he knew this. Yet she had stumbled over her words, floundering desperately for an answer (the _right_ answer) until the feel of his hand on her bare stomach, and the heat of his breath on her neck, and the overwhelming feeling of being utterly _pathetic_ became too much to handle.

'_I don't… I'm not… I don't know…'_

Larten had stilled his movements in confusion and raised his head to look at her, but she had turned away, feeling, _knowing_, with absolute certainty that she hadn't answered correctly and that she had just ruined the whole thing.

She was still waiting for the mocking laughter, still with her back to him, still with her arms wrapped tightly around herself. She just hoped he wouldn't be _too_ angry, just hoped that the situation was salvageable. A nagging in the back of her mind tried to remind her that this was _Larten_, and that he would understand, and he certainly wouldn't hurt her over it, and that she was overreacting.

Yet Arra found she couldn't help but flinch as she saw his hand reach out towards her face. She knew deep down that he wasn't reaching out to hurt her, only comfort her, but that concept was simply too hard to understand. If she had done this when she was human, stalled or refused someone… She shivered, and shrunk deeper into herself: The mere thought of that life gone was enough to make her body ache with the almost daily punishment it had suffered.

Larten had dropped his hand instantly when he saw her flinch away from him. Confusion gave way to worry, but he didn't dare try to touch her again. He found the sight of his love recoiling from his touch (which he had meant only to be reassuring and soothing) too sad to watch. Instead, he knelt on the floor in front of her; and she, in turn, lifted her knees to her chest and hugged them tightly, once again turning her gaze away from him.

'Arra, please,' he tried, laying his hands on the bed, either side of her. 'I am deeply sorry if I hurt you, or offended you, or even _scared_ you. Just please, tell me what is wrong.'

Larten was relieved when she lifted her head, even if she did focus her gaze on her hands and not on him. As soon as the thought had passed through his head (_scared_) he knew that this had to have stemmed back from her life as a human. She had never spoken of it, but from her behaviour and the intense vulnerability she showed (when she was alone with him) Larten had managed to make some sort of guess at the life she used to live. 'I am sorry I was not more considerate of your feelings.'

And finally, Arra managed to raise her eyes to meet his, 'No, that's just it. It's that you _did_ consider them that made me… It's just…' With a groan she dropped her gaze and let her head fall onto her arms. Her voice hitched with panic and she found herself talking quickly. 'No one has ever thought to… They didn't care, you see? And if I didn't do… If they weren't _satisfied_– They only wanted something for themselves– _Used_ me, you know? And it _hurt _when–'

Her rising hysteria was cut off as she felt Larten's hand on the back of her head, gently stroking her hair. Her heart was hammering furiously in her chest and she was shaking, and she _hated_ that these memories _still _had such an effect of her. Arra lifted her head slightly and, after looking into his eyes and seeing the sadness and concern that was there, understood that he had cut her off on purpose: He didn't need to know every detail. At any rate, it wasn't too hard to guess.

'I'm sorry.' Her voice was lower now, and she forced herself to straighten up. Larten took her hands in his once she had uncurled herself, and held them gently, resting them on her lap. 'I didn't know what to say. And when you froze, I thought I'd said the wrong thing. I thought you would…' But she shook her head, and let a soft smile slip onto her face. 'I knew you wouldn't have hurt me, but that's the only thing I know. The only reaction I've ever known.'

'I know,' Larten returned her smile sadly, and pushed himself off the floor to sit beside her. She didn't hesitate to lean back against him, and for that he was glad. 'I am not angry with you, just concerned about you. But thank you for being honest with me. You do not need to worry anymore, okay?' He stroked her back with one hand, and with the other lifted her chin gently, 'I love you.' A tender kiss. 'I only want for you to be happy.'

'I am,' Arra replied, smiling up at him. 'And I love you, too. Do you think…' She averted her gaze, and Larten noticed a soft blush creeping into her cheeks. 'Do you think you could, maybe, uh… show me… what you meant…'

That was it. He was so charmed by her innocence that he grinned and kissed her again, gently pushing her back to the bed as he did so. 'It would be my pleasure…'

**A/N: **I'm experimenting. I'm deliberately writing things that are out of my comfort-zone to see what the results are. And I'll admit, this isn't half-bad. I hope you agree with me.


End file.
